Manifesting My Future

I am a firm believer in the fact the thoughts become things! So you have to focus on the good ones. I am not sure if I was always doing that. I mean I would say that I wanted a relationship. But then I tended to think about how the others had all gone wrong. How everyone always wanted to "just be friends" But then I met someone that made me change my mind. I thought wow this could work, I finally found someone great! But he was hesitating the whole time, I chose to ignore many things that I knew were not right for me, just because I just really really wanted to have that connection. And wouldn't you know it, he told me he just wanted to be friends. My friends all saw it wasn't going to work, why didn't I? But it didn't matter, it gave me hope. It sparked that feeling of magical new beginnings. It made me focus more on what could be. And then I think it found me this time! So that great hugger I was talking about a couple posts ago.. Well it continues to go well.. wow its going well enough to talk about it in two posts!
It has been so so long, I don't even think I even knew it could be like this. There are no hesitations this time. He is totally into me! And all my friends see it too! And it feels wonderful and refreshing! I don't know how many times I read that freakin book! "he's really not into you" I would keep telling myself... if he was he would call, want to spend time with you, not be able to get enough of you. I was starting to think that book was lame! Could everything they say in this book be true. Well I didn't settle (well I guess I almost did there for a second, but I am sure I would have figured it out in due time) This time I am with someone who calls, comes over even though we were just together all day, cooks for me, opens the car door for me, compliments me all the time, he holds my hand, and is always massaging some part of me when ever I am around.
This time I feel adored, beautiful, wanted, and special. All my friends can not get over how awesome he is, and how we are together! It really feels right! I can be myself with him, and I can say the sweet things I think because he says sweet things to me all the time. I don't feel like I am being too much! We like a lot of the same things, yet we have our own hobbies as well. All the things I ever asked for in a partner are there with Liam. He makes plans for the future.. He plans out what he is going to cook for me the following week. He thanks me for coming over and sleeping next to him. We made a promise to never take each other for granted. We carve pumpkins, watch movies, have game nights, go fly kites, he loves to talk, and is engaging. He remembers that I don't like spicy foods to just name one! He tells me that his face hurts from smiling so much from being around me.
We feel like we can just kiss for hours.... and we do :)
I have met my cuddling match!!
He loves the outdoors, but actually likes them the way I do. Hiking, snowshoeing, cross country skiing. So he para glides. Can I deal with this? He said to me "I'm a package deal... I glide" I said I know. And I love that he has a hobby. But last weekend when I went with him, all I could imagine was him jumping off that mountain and falling, and my life becoming a best selling movie! Everyone tells me I should write a book. Well I want to write the ending right now....
And they lived happily ever after.... not she found mr. right and then he fell! Why do I even have thoughts like this. He thought it was so cute that I was worries about him. But I did have a best friend die rock climbing. And then another good friend almost die in an avalanche he survived but the man with him did not. It is way close for home to me. Then again it seems peaceful, magical and delicious. I could actually see myself flying off the sides of mountains! Or would I be too scared?? It was on my list to do while I was in NZ and I never got around to it. That is where he tried it and fell in love with it. Funny how things work right. I look forward to getting to be with him every night. I look forward to the plans we have made with each other for this winter. I look forward to the possibilities of this amazing man... and I really want to have a happy ending to my book!

tell em!!

I don't think people compliment each other enough! I like to tell people they are awesome! Or I like your shirt.. something! I love the people in my life.. and all around me! I like interacting with people I don't know! I think it would be a great idea to try to compliment someone at least once a day. It makes you feel good, and the other person too! I went to this haunted trail thing on Friday and I had a blast interacting with all the students dressed up to scare me! At one point one of them broke character and said "i like you!" I giggled the whole time, and actually even screamed a few times too! It takes something to be able to let go and be scared. And it takes something to take the time to interact with people you don't know. They could be really awesome and fun and turn out to be your best friend! I hear in the south random people talk to you all the time!
Then this morning when i was getting gas, i noticed that the tattooed guy in front of me still had shaving cream behind his ear from shaving his head this morning.... i thought i should tell him.. but then i didn't!! what example am i leading for myself here? Then again it was 630am so gimme a break!

I am right were I am suppose to be!

I really am doing something right! I feel so at home here, so at ease, so excited for everyday of my life!
Last week I had the morning off and went down to the Showbox to pick up tickets for all my friends, for the up coming show Dark Star Orchestra! I walked over to Pike Place Market.. I never just go there and walk around. It rocks! All the fresh fruits, flowers and fish! I bought myself some of each! I got in my car and started to get this overwhelming feeling of happiness. I am really suppose to be here. I am living a life I have created, and I love it! Good things always happen to me. The people who surround me are amazing and wonderful and bring me joy.
Then it started to pour rain in the middle of the sunny afternoon... And I laughed.. Oh seattle! I searched for the rainbow..

The weekend came, and the show I had gotten tickets for was so much fun!! I was surrounded by at least 30 friends all dancing, smiling, and connecting. This is so right, this is so wonderful! Then I hear this guy asking my friend Nick... "who is this girl? I see her everywhere, she knows everyone and she seems awesome!" "HI I'm Stephie! I'm a Hugger!" This hug was extra super warm and cozy and comfortable.... "I'm Liam and you have been following me all summer" he said with a grin... HA! for once I have actually never noticed this guy! Someone noticed me first! That feels really nice.... Our joking interactions continued throughout the night, and I felt that this guy might be really intrigued by me.. hee hee that's exciting and new!
The next thing I know the show was over I am outside in the middle of a group hug because this group wants me to change my plans and go camping tomorrow.. A geological field trip, paragliding, campfires, smores... Wow.. give up my plan huh? Change what I do all the time..
Well... I am a sucker for nature. I am a sucker for new friends that give really amazing hugs! And it was a chance to spend some time with Nick and Laurie.. I really love those two and never see them enough. So 4 hours later I woke up and started packing to be picked up to go camping!

Mt Saint Helen was amazing!! Out in all of her full glory. The sky was blue the sun was out.
I found myself in a slew of amazing conversations. I think it feels really good when someone is genuinely interested in you. And it is even better when you are just as interested in them. Oh but it gets even better when you find you have so so much in common. It is even better when that someone who gives the best hugs ever feels like an old friend even though this is the first day you have ever spent together.
He is into paragliding (to say the least) So we all went to a launch sight. They knew they couldn't fly but they kited.. I was in awe, so amazing and beautiful.
It was the perfect day, I didn't want to be anywhere else!
Campfire, smores, great food, wine.... ahhhh and the chatting about everything...
I got to sleep next to him in his bus! It has heat, Sweet!! We chatted ourselves to sleep, and chatted ourselves awake... The best kind of sunday morning is laying in bed talking for an hour before you start the day.. don't you think?
I got to cook everyone blueberry pancakes for breakfast. I really like cooking for people, I like it when people around me are happy, fed, and feeling fine! Every time I make blueberry pancakes I think of Taylor. He came into my camp at string summit oh so many years ago, when we first met, and made us all blueberry pancakes.
My past is so intertwined with my present.
It must mean I am on the right path.

I am meeting the people that I am manifesting myself to meet.
I am making lasting connections, and new friends all the time.
I am right where I want to be, doing the things I want to do.
Looking forward to my days with hope and a soul that is smiling!

It is important to remember...
You will never get to do the things you want to do, by doing things you don't want to do!
So just do what you want to do!


I was just going to write about my pike market day.. guess I had more to say!
Ok back to sewing my Halloween costume!

Everything you ever lost

Imagine..... You woke up one morning and there on your front step was a box... A big big box! And inside was everything you have ever lost... EVER! I mean everything!  Jewelry, papers, keys, clothes,  MONEY! I was driving to work and thought to myself... I used to have a drill, and electric drill with all the different bits.. How could I misplace that.  When I moved to Seattle 4 years ago? What about those snowboard pants too, and that shirt I loved and wore all the time.  Where does all this stuff go? How do we loose stuff. Do we have too much stuff that we can't even keep track of what we have anymore. Yeah I think so! But for a moment it is kinda fun to think about what might be in that box, photos, old memories, times forgotten and lost.. then re-found.  I am going to try to have less stuff, buy less, loose less, and keep track of it all...

What is going on here!!

Ok things are getting scary.. And I am actually paying attention now! I never seemed to care before.. I mean I knew stuff was sorta wrong and bad, and I just didn't want to know about it. I felt like knowing about it would just piss me off, and there was really nothing I could do to stop any of it. Instead I traveled around the world, and changed the opinions of other travelers. I think I really made everyone I met realize not all americans were bad. What I should have done was researched, got data, and knew what was going on.. so I could even better change the minds of others.. I always wanted to be one of those political people that could spew on and on about this policy and that debate and so on... And now I actually got a clue, care, and don't feel that helpless! I even had a debate party at my house! everyone came over and I cooked up some tofu, rice and veggies as we all sat around and watched the presidential debate. When I look at Obama I feel warm and fuzzy inside.. I don't know why... when McCain talks I want to hit him. A lot of "stuff" is going down right now.. And if people can not even see and realize how scary this whole situation is then they are silly! I know I can make a difference now.. I know that what I think can count somewhere if I get more involved! today I signed this
http://sanders.senate.gov/petitions/?petition=Financial_Crisis_1

And although it can never really work.. I think this is the best idea ever!! I got this email and just love it! It makes you realize how much money this actually is!
I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.


Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in

a We Deserve It Dividend.


To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000

bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.


Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman

and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..


So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals
$425,000.00.


My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a

We Deserve It Dividend.


Of course, it would NOT be tax free.

So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.


Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.

That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.


But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.

A husband and wife has $595,000.00.


What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college - it'll be there
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs
Invest in the market - capital drives growth
Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else


Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks

who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company

that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed

Forces.


If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of

trickling out

a puny $1000.00 economic incentive that is being
proposed by one of our candidates for President.


If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult
U S Citizen 18+!


As for AIG - liquidate it.

Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.


Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.
Sure it's a crazy idea that can 'never work.'
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion

We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in
Washington DC .


And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because
$25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Birk

T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for
a laugh

or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!

MY Trail Magic!

Being a Trail angel! Doing trail magic, And being me..
Current mood: loved

My life... hmmm Seriously.. really? yeah i guess... I can focus on the things i don't have, and wonder about why certain things are not the way I want them to be.. or I can live, be happy, and love unconditionally and fully every blessing that is mine.

This weekend I gave back.....
In case some of you have no clue what trail magic is, or what being a trail angel is i will fill you in.
While i hiked for 3 months on the Appalachian trail i was confronted by amazing people the helped me out, fed me, let me stay at their place, gave me rides... People would set up full on BBQ's for us if we were lucky enough to go by them that day, or leave coolers of soda, candy, beer.. I even got a free ride to Merle fest and amazing festival in NC, free ticket (250$) camping, food pass, and my job was the sneak back stage.. I mean come on! I had to give back.. So I knew some folks hiking the PCT this year (i was also suppose to be on it and chose to go to Africa and Europe instead)

I really had no idea how limited the trail magic on the PCT was, and the AT like trail magic didn't really happen out there.. but i was prepared! I had the master plan... It was slightly thrown off when my hiker friend came to town a couple days early bringing with him 3 stinky hikers! but they were awesome they filled my little apartment with smiles, and trail stories and compliments...
We all headed up the trail with some help from my amazing friend kelly (i think this was all a lot more then she realized!) and some borrowed items from sharon and spencer (thanks guys!)
We made it.. we could not find a spot to set up so we had to set up at a very popular trail head at snoqualmie pass!
I brought
3 dozen eggs
60 beers
5 lbs of ground beef
5 lbs of bacon
2 lbs of sausage
tofu and veggie sausage
salads
fresh fruits and veggie
chips and crackers
cheeses and dips
lots of yummy breads and wraps
i baked cookies
kelly baked zucchini bread (she grew the zuccs)
chocolate, gatorade, juices, emergency
two coolers
two table for setting up
chairs
hammocks
my "party" tent

I have no idea how we fit this stuff into my car.. how we set up and broke down 2 times.. and on the second day kelly left and i did it all with a thru hiker that wanted to join me for another day.
We had to hike all this stuff in on the second day to a spot not so "on the trail" far away from I90 and all the day hikers.. We found an amazing site! a fire pit, logs, views, shade,,, everything i wanted! I had an amazing time! We fed 7 hikers the first night and then the next morning..
we drank laughed shared and i think kelly got a really good glimpse into why i live thru hiking.. what trail family feels like... and how amazing it feels to be a trail angel!
She left on sunday to go get her stuff together so she could hike the next PCT section with a hiker we met.... I am far more then jealous i must say. but my time on the PCT will come...
I had so much fun and got to be in a 6 person spooning party all inside my tent! And have fond memories of my little ride with Prison Jay.
Sunday set up in the woods I met up with 5 more hikers.. and got to feed them too...
I was told by a few hikers i gave them the best trail magic they have had on the trail. 3 of them hiked the 7 miles to town, then had friends that were meeting them there drive them back up to me, so we could all hang out.. and so they could all enjoy my french toast, bacon, sausage, and egg wraps... i cooked for 8 people this morning.
They were all so great, they helped me take loads to the car (so i wouldn't have to hike it all back out again!) I felt loved, appreciated, and wonderful! I know that I will be remembered by each of theses hikers, just as i remember and tell stories of the amazing angels that helped me!

My heart ached when it was all over... i wanted to grab my gear and hike to canada with them.. I kicked myself a little that I didn't try to plan to hike a section with slick b and friends... but its ok.. they can just come hike a section with me when i am out there! that will be even more fun!

This was for sure not an easy thing to do! or cheap... but priceless in so many ways!
I got home and spent 7 hours unpacking, cleaning up, doing laundry, cleaning my apartment that had just been let go.... Summer.. It was amazing and busy, and full of surprises, new friends, laughs, music, hiking, butterflies and unicorns... and all the things that make my heart and soul smile.. I am so glad to be alive... and to be living this life...
I am so blessed to have you all in it, dancing next to me, sharing with me,,,,, and being a part of what made me the me i am this minute..
Have I thanked you lately? no... well.. THANK YOU!!!

Burning MAN

What A RIDE!

burning man, summer, thoughts, life
Current mood: adventurous

So while things are still fresh... or should i say playa dusty.. i wanted to blog a bit before things start to fade as fresh amazing memories.. I continue to feel blessed and excited about life, my future, and the path i seem to be choosing and dancing down... Sometimes i am doing so much i get to wonder "why am i doing so much?"... but i can't stop.. and its ok. This past month has been pretty magical for me. A new energy entered in, spun my tires, flipped my head around a few times and then danced away when i finally thought i had found just what i was looking for, it had been a very very long time since i ever thought i could actually share my life so openly and freely with someone else.. and it really seemed like he "got me".. tough breaks. I keep thinking it will happen for me when it is time.. but its hard to remember its not my time and i have to keep living with no expectations of the people who are around me and sharing my light. I am growing and learning and working on myself everyday. I am slowly becoming more and more me, and learning to accept that, love that, and be that....
I have always been bad at protecting my heart, i love openly and freely and many. Sometimes that means I will feel more pain then others, but I can not change what my core is... I am now able to see and accept that my core is beautiful, bright and full of life and love.
I went off to burning man this year with a lot on my mind and a heavy heart. What better place to deal with all of that right?
Out in the middle of this amazing temporary playground, full of wonder, magic, art, energy, music and friends from everywhere in my life! I feel more free, more open to everything around me, i feel prettier, brighter, i feel a part of something bigger then anyone even knows. This year i did it right, I went with people i love and feel comfortable with. I knew where all the good live music was, i knew what i needed to feel comfortable all the time, i knew how to find people, and they knew how to find me....
I got to hang out or run into people from all over my life!
the Appalachian Trail
Africa
Wyoming
Seattle african dance community
Seattle music friends
Portland friends
Myspace friends i had never met in person before
vashon island friends
festival friends i had met at bobolinks festival in may...

All coming together and entering in my time on the playa randomly and perfectly throughout the week..... And the strangers.... the un-known friends i should call them.. When the playa does its work and you think you are going to bed.. but instead your off on a crazy adventure with someone you just met..ohhh whats that shining thing in the distance.. lets go!..... 4 hours later you are quietly climbing some scaffolding to watch the sunrise together. and not wanting to say goodbye because you may very well not see them again... connections, and conversations that feel unreal...
I kissed a robot
Got thrown off a furry merry go round
Danced up on the counter to get ice (me up on a counter.. really??)
i got kidnapped by an art car and had to learn to let go, and just enjoy the ride...
i was the 2,395th person someone hugged (he had a clicker)
I gave out more vibrating back massages and got the best responses ever! (i should get a clicker!)
I got a great burning man stamp in the middle of no where and a cookie
I saw a giant green penis art car shooting flames from the tip
I kissed cute boys and it felt awesome, innocent and fun and special!
I wore fish nets and tutus and loved it! (so strange for me kinda)
I met a giant zebracorn that shot margaritas from its ass
I went monkey chanting
I found a camp that serves dels lemonade from Rhode Island!!
I was given so many compliments (by un-known friends) that blew me away really, and made me feel so great.. something that is needed right after your heart has been cracked.... i healed on the playa.. it was time to think, and rethink, and remember "everything happens for a reason" "it must not be what i thought it was" "sometimes feelings can steer you wrong and people are not who they seem" "in the end it will all become clear, and i will be thankful it went this way"

I am still learning to be ok with who i am, what i am, and what i am bringing to the table of life.
I need to realize and find the balance of my life... giving and taking too. Sharing and spending time alone to reflect and grow. I have come so so far, anyone of you who has known me for years can attest to that... But i do know i have a long way to grow and change and become an even better soul to walk this earth. I am getting there, I can feel it... and who ever chooses to walk beside me on my amazing journey will be as blessed as I am, and we can glow off each others light....
until then i will just keep shinning bright.....