My Birthday!

ok i just realize i never posted this! i think i was wanting to put photos up from all my birthdays past! well its been months and i have not done a thing! so i am just going to post this now! 6 months later! ha i really am not a blogger!!



Ok first things first... After week 11 I have now lost a total of 24.2 lbs! pretty exciting stuff! I had a little trouble one week.. went down to Portland for the weekend to see sound tribe sector 9.. someone brought warm homemade chocolate chip cookies.. i started slacking on my fruit and veggie in take.. and started slacking on my counting... and low and behold I gained a pound.. I was upset to think how important this really is, and how on top of it i actually have to be. But i didn't get discouraged and quit, i got re-motivated.. and in two weeks after my gain I have lost another 5.3 lbs. So back on track.. and ready for my birthday!
So the deal is.. I have done something crazy and exciting and generally in another country every year for the past 5.
I turned 27 in New Zealand.













28 here in Seattle it was my first birthday in a new city, I had just moved here from Rhode Island.








29 Hiking on the Appalachian Trail.. what a fun trail birthday I had! Slackpack-orama-thon!










30 on a 10 day hike in Chile in the Torres Del Paine NPark











31 In Sweden after going to Africa, Germany, Italy,Austria, Norway, Amsterdam for jam in the dam, Spain and London! and on my way to Krakow, Prague, and Budapest! It was an awesome year!
And now I turn 32... Of course with tons of traveling planned for later this year, and festivals all summer, I decided it was time to spend a birthday here..
With all my awesome Seattle friends, and my awesome boyfriend!
Of course deciding that I don't want a cake! And trying not to fall off the wagon too much.. we are going to a steakhouse/seafood place where they cook right in front of you, start stuff on fire, throw shrimp tails at you, and everyone does sake bombs! Yeaha! i could only invite 20 people though.. making it really hard on me! i have so many more people i love and adore.. but I have a really great bunch and I am excited to have a birthday weekend here... I am going snowboarding on Saturday, and to the Seattle green festival on Sunday then to dinner..
My thirties are treating me so well! Lets hope by my next birthday i will be on a beach somewhere proud to wear a bathing suit in public! High hopes! to another great year!!

Doing this!! And changing my life for good!

Oh me oh my I wish I was a better blogger! But it really just comes in cycles.. oh well!
My life pretty much kicks ass.. Of course.. My boyfriend is awesome, and we have been having a blast.. that is of course when i got over my "i have been single for so long, i don't think i want to be with someone" issues.. It was funny I tried to break up with him, because I could not stand having someone in my space so much! After all that time of wanting and wanting someone to share it with.. i got it.. then thought oh wait no no i was wrong i like being single.. Well lucky me he didn't let me leave him, and ever since then things have been great.. Go figure good communication makes for a good relationship. I am pretty sure that is what i always say.. Guess i should listen to myself!

I then realized maybe there was something else going on..Maybe even though i am super happy and love my life, friends, job and hobbies.. that maybe i should love my body too! I have struggled with my weight for most of my life.. maybe since the 2nd grade! I went to weight watchers for the first time when i was 12 or 13.. and i remember my goal weight being 140! I thought that was what i weighed! oh my.. so many tuna sandwiches later i lost weight.. but by the ninth grade i was back up there around 250lbs at 5'6 and a size 28.. It is no fun to be that big in high school! when you can only shop at "fat people stores" and let me tell you 17 years ago fashion bug plus was not into teen styles.. it was bad! This time and for the next few years I took many bad paths to weight loss! I think that year i just stopped eating and started working out a ton! lost about 100 lbs dropped to a size 6-7 and got really sick.. i have never been that thin again.. i am pretty sure i messed up my body since that same year i grew to my now 5'10 height. I have done everything! Herbalife, Phen phen, acutrim, dexatrim, atkins, body for life, ephedra, loose weight while you sleep pills, laxatives, detoxes, I even joined the freakin army because i thought it would be a good way to get in shape and lose weight! Well the army did do a great job.. as did many of my pop some pills for a quick fix ideas! But did anything ever last?? No not really... I would always end up being around 200 lbs.. I went back to weight watchers and lost 33 lbs in 12 weeks.. kept if off for a couple years.. that was about 5 years ago..Then I was traveling for years, and just hovered around 200 lbs.. not being really happy with it.. but not having the motivation to do anything either.. I think a life time of having to care what i ate was just so annoying! I was sick of it, jealous of people that got to eat what ever they wanted.. and decided i should be able to do the same.. Well no i am not one of those people! When i eat what "i want" i eat crap! I was never taught good eating habits. and all these "diets" never taught me either.. and this past year i gained around 40 lbs! that is so not ok or cool at all! and it was starting to make me feel tired, and not want to go out.. I used to lose weight because i wanted a boyfriend and thought guys only like skinny girls.. but this time I am doing it for a whole other reason.. I want to be healthy! I want to feel good about the way I look, I don't want to have to avoid hot tubs, pools, and beach trips, I want to be in love with every part of my life, including my body! And for the first time ever I am doing this for the right reasons. I am almost 32 years old, I need to figure this out now! So i joined weight watchers AGAIN.. 3rd times a charm right? Now I am realizing why I got his big... I can now step back and look at how all the people around me eat.. and think.. wow i used to eat just like them.. i would have just eaten 10 oreos, i would have just gotten my own pint of ben and jerry's... i would have had a couple glasses of wine, a piece of chocolate cake, gone to that restaurant, eaten that fried food..... i would have this, i would have that... and now i don't! It has been hard to realize my bad ways! for sure! I was never a super fat, out of shape, sit on my ass kind of person... actually i would even consider myself in better shape then many thin people who are just naturally thin... I went to Africa last year and danced and drummed 6 hours a day 6 days a week for 3 weeks! I am strong, and have a big frame yes... but my big frame has a big layer of fat that i want gone.. and for good! I am drinking way more water, eating fruits and veggies (i have taught myself in these past years to like some veggies.. but it is still really hard for me, and i wish i liked them as much as i like chocolate and ice cream!) When I got out to a show i have an apple in my purse! And when everyone else is going to the late night hot dog or taco stand.. I eat my yummy honey crisp apple.. I feel better, i have more energy, i am excited, and this time i know i am doing it right.. I have been on WW for 7 weeks and I have lost 18.5 lbs! my goal.. is 60-80 lbs... And I am not stopping this time until i reach my goal! And then I am going to figure out how to maintain it.. I am going to keep track.. I am going to keep up.. I do hope some day I can allow myself a bit more treats then I do now.. or maybe i just won't want them anymore.. But now I feel it is very hard.. I try to avoid places that will tempt me, I have a hard time with potlucks, and eating out.. and for now just don't do those things.. but i want to figure out a way to make this stick and work for the long haul. So i can love my body, and be healthy, and then when i have kids eating healthy will be natural, a way of life.. and hope a way of life for my kids, so they don't struggle like i did all these years! No fad diets, no pills, no packaged foods (all the time unless i am in a pinch)
I have found some awesome recipes! and ways to eat the way i think i can always eat!
I never really thought I would be so public about this.. but then maybe someone might read this and realize they can do it too... they can have the body they want even if they have been struggling and dieting for 20 years like me!

I am going to use "the secret" a little here too.. I keep having my visions.. and this is what it is.. I am going to lose 60-80lbs.. go back to africa in december.. and dance and drum my bin bin off (that is susu for butt! last year they said i had a bin bin billy billy that means big butt.. but this year they will all wonder where it went!!) So i will start off the new year in amazing shape!! with all awesome new african made outfits i design and have made while i am there, I will get my hair braided again.. and then go on jam cruise! I will be smokin!! i can picture myself like this.. looking like that, the hair, the outfits, the confidence.. the outside that matches my inside!
I love to person i am becoming everyday I want to keep it that way! and stop being held back by anything!!

i suck

i thought i could be a good little blogger.. i guess i suck at it! HA go figure.. i suck at is as much as seattle sucks at cleaning up snow!!! this city has been a mess for 2 weeks! my flights out for spending christmas in rhode island with family and old friends, then to Florida with my sister to see my dad and ride some rides... done and done.. not gonna happen! it sucks to get excited and then let down, because the airport ran out of deicer. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

My favorite place ever

Ok so I have done a bit of traveling. I think somewhere around 25 countries and only have one continent left to complete them all! I have been so lucky to see amazing things, meet amazing people, and become this person that I love. But there is a place close to where I live that I love! I fall in love with this place more and more every time I go!

I first discovered this love with Taylor back in 05. We had gone down to Portland for a mini Yonder tour and then cruised up the coast on the 101! We stopped for a few days to check out the Olympic Peninsula. Here you find the HOH rain forest. Amazing, huge, colorful, alive, growing and dying. I feel the magic in the air whenever I enter into this place. The trail along the HOH river had become my favorite destination. When someone comes to WA and asks me what they should do, I send them there. I have been back to that magical place 3 more times since then. I took my family, and some friends, and I have spent countless hours on that same trail, and still see something new every time I go.

This time I went with Liam. He has never been! I was excited to show him.










And happy that even though it is November and might be cold and raining we can still go.

Because of Heltrude his VW bus. He put a heater in and it has a stove, making it perfect for winter camping!
We saw a rainbow everyday. We made great food, drank wine, hiked all day! The sun was out and the sky was blue! A rain forest in november and perfect weather! It was great!
The next day we went out and spent some time running away from the waves, and hiked up to hot springs. I went in hot springs for the first time!! I laughed so much when we got dressed to leave our cloths had gotten wet, Liam had to wear my rasta legs! What a sight the two of us where hiking back down to the car. I laugh now just thinking about it!

I really love having someone who likes to do these things with me. Someone who is present, giving, and really cares about me. I continue to fall in love more and more everyday with this amazing man! I look forward to seeing him, even if it was only that morning that we left. He can not get enough of me! I think he would be with me 24/7 if I allowed it. That feels great. At the same time he also lets me be myself, and go out with my friends and do my own thing as well. All my friends love him, and think we are great for each other... I still can't believe it all sometimes hee hee... I am so happy!

Halloween in Denver Colorado!

Halloween has always been a fun holiday for me! I have always spent hours (like 25-60) making my costumes each year. Since moving to Seattle, and growing into this festival goer that I am, costumes have taken on a whole new meaning. My sewing skills have increased and I can now make pants, capes, skirts, shirts, and well anything with a pattern really.. It's kinda exciting! Now I just need a new sewing machine!
When my friend Andrea told me the band Leftover Salmon would be playing in Denver and flights were only 175$ I thought why not!? Then as I chatted to my best friend Taylor in WY and Kelly who had moved to Alabama a month earlier... they liked the idea as well!
So 5 of us would head off to Denver for the weekend.. Oh what fun!
And this year I figured have a group costume would be fun. So I started to think. At first I wanted to be from the future, the jestons neighbors maybe? With a hoop skirt like Judy! Since I just got into making capes.. I thought I could make everyone a cape. We could all be super heroes from the future! Then the little hands headbands I got this summer could help us all match. We could be handy super heroes! Then at a show the week before Andrea and I got inspired by another person wearing the hands, to sew the to middle fingers down to say I love you in sign language! So then we became the Super handy love heroes from the future!They all got so into it! They even let me paint their faces!

Taylor was the conductor of the love train! All aboard!!

Keller was farmer love.. planting the seeds of love!

Andrea and I were do love and be love... be cause together we are a do-be and everyone loves that!
My skirt even had lights (how so burning man of me!)

It was a blast to be with all my friends somewhere new!

We went hiking in the snow to a lake. It was nice, calm, peaceful.

I got to spend a little time with my good friend who I hiked on the Appalachian trail with "42" or Nira in the outside world.

Saturday night Taylor and I went by ourselves to see Jamie Janover wih Lynx, Zilla, and EOTO and Kang played with them too. It was so much fun! I danced so hard! That music really makes my feet and body move non-stop! I loved it!!
What a perfect, sunny, wonderful weekend, filled with friends, music, and costumes!

Manifesting My Future

I am a firm believer in the fact the thoughts become things! So you have to focus on the good ones. I am not sure if I was always doing that. I mean I would say that I wanted a relationship. But then I tended to think about how the others had all gone wrong. How everyone always wanted to "just be friends" But then I met someone that made me change my mind. I thought wow this could work, I finally found someone great! But he was hesitating the whole time, I chose to ignore many things that I knew were not right for me, just because I just really really wanted to have that connection. And wouldn't you know it, he told me he just wanted to be friends. My friends all saw it wasn't going to work, why didn't I? But it didn't matter, it gave me hope. It sparked that feeling of magical new beginnings. It made me focus more on what could be. And then I think it found me this time! So that great hugger I was talking about a couple posts ago.. Well it continues to go well.. wow its going well enough to talk about it in two posts!
It has been so so long, I don't even think I even knew it could be like this. There are no hesitations this time. He is totally into me! And all my friends see it too! And it feels wonderful and refreshing! I don't know how many times I read that freakin book! "he's really not into you" I would keep telling myself... if he was he would call, want to spend time with you, not be able to get enough of you. I was starting to think that book was lame! Could everything they say in this book be true. Well I didn't settle (well I guess I almost did there for a second, but I am sure I would have figured it out in due time) This time I am with someone who calls, comes over even though we were just together all day, cooks for me, opens the car door for me, compliments me all the time, he holds my hand, and is always massaging some part of me when ever I am around.
This time I feel adored, beautiful, wanted, and special. All my friends can not get over how awesome he is, and how we are together! It really feels right! I can be myself with him, and I can say the sweet things I think because he says sweet things to me all the time. I don't feel like I am being too much! We like a lot of the same things, yet we have our own hobbies as well. All the things I ever asked for in a partner are there with Liam. He makes plans for the future.. He plans out what he is going to cook for me the following week. He thanks me for coming over and sleeping next to him. We made a promise to never take each other for granted. We carve pumpkins, watch movies, have game nights, go fly kites, he loves to talk, and is engaging. He remembers that I don't like spicy foods to just name one! He tells me that his face hurts from smiling so much from being around me.
We feel like we can just kiss for hours.... and we do :)
I have met my cuddling match!!
He loves the outdoors, but actually likes them the way I do. Hiking, snowshoeing, cross country skiing. So he para glides. Can I deal with this? He said to me "I'm a package deal... I glide" I said I know. And I love that he has a hobby. But last weekend when I went with him, all I could imagine was him jumping off that mountain and falling, and my life becoming a best selling movie! Everyone tells me I should write a book. Well I want to write the ending right now....
And they lived happily ever after.... not she found mr. right and then he fell! Why do I even have thoughts like this. He thought it was so cute that I was worries about him. But I did have a best friend die rock climbing. And then another good friend almost die in an avalanche he survived but the man with him did not. It is way close for home to me. Then again it seems peaceful, magical and delicious. I could actually see myself flying off the sides of mountains! Or would I be too scared?? It was on my list to do while I was in NZ and I never got around to it. That is where he tried it and fell in love with it. Funny how things work right. I look forward to getting to be with him every night. I look forward to the plans we have made with each other for this winter. I look forward to the possibilities of this amazing man... and I really want to have a happy ending to my book!

tell em!!

I don't think people compliment each other enough! I like to tell people they are awesome! Or I like your shirt.. something! I love the people in my life.. and all around me! I like interacting with people I don't know! I think it would be a great idea to try to compliment someone at least once a day. It makes you feel good, and the other person too! I went to this haunted trail thing on Friday and I had a blast interacting with all the students dressed up to scare me! At one point one of them broke character and said "i like you!" I giggled the whole time, and actually even screamed a few times too! It takes something to be able to let go and be scared. And it takes something to take the time to interact with people you don't know. They could be really awesome and fun and turn out to be your best friend! I hear in the south random people talk to you all the time!
Then this morning when i was getting gas, i noticed that the tattooed guy in front of me still had shaving cream behind his ear from shaving his head this morning.... i thought i should tell him.. but then i didn't!! what example am i leading for myself here? Then again it was 630am so gimme a break!